no day but today

lks0079 @ 2008-02-05T09:19:00

2008-02-05T14:29:45Z

this semester is torturous. too much work, meaning i literally have to be doing homework all the time in order to get it/the readings done. which means im stressed about that, and i cant work as much, meaning i dont have money which is also stressful, and the only time i can work is all weekend... which means no fun to counteract the stress. rahhhh. its okay though, at least all these classes will be over with in 3 months :)

i also have the flu right now. joy. (meaning i missed some classes this morning... one of them which you can only do the work in the lab... mostly i just haaaaaate being sick. +side.. i went home sunday and spent the night, always nice. even if that means watching the superbowl on your couch with the parents...haha, i love my fam though. i do feel like i need to disinfect EVERYTHING in my room. yuck.

at least its gorgeous outside and i have a hundred pillows on my bed which makes being in it 24/7 a LOT more bearable.

lks0079 @ 2007-10-08T21:20:00

2007-10-09T01:24:52Z

i cannot wait for american gangster. denzel washington and russel crowe in the same movie? are you kidding me? brilliance.
also, 3:10 to yuma is a great movie. and the kingdom.

im in love with sourdough bread

falllll break this weekend and fair and sytycd :)

i despise plant biology

lks0079 @ 2007-09-16T14:09:00

2007-09-16T18:13:25Z

"There are no contenders to art when it comes to her ability to make us realize our uniqueness while still retaining our identity with a universal whole."

"...our hearts, an immortal inside mortals."

Im in love with my religion class, dave is tuesday , its a beautiful day outside. :)

skeptical, but hopeful

2007-08-08T03:18:07Z

"A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed." Archbishop Desmond Tutu

:) i adore this philosophy

today i bought new purses and a dress and shoes and a cosmetic case and i was SUCH A GIRL and it was SO LOVELY. :)
i seriously have issues with shopping. i think i have spent 500 in the past week.
do i have 500 to be spending on random shit?
noooooooooo
oh well. some of it was for the apartment. so humph.

its so blazing hot outside im melting. literally. like a candle. like the wicked witch of the west.

cold shower time? YES.

lks0079 @ 2007-08-03T22:11:00

2007-08-04T02:15:54Z

blechhhhhhhh i have never felt so at odds with myself in my life. its like, i know how i truly feel, but ill be damned if i act upon it, or even think about it as something remotely possible. its just a sad situation, that did not have to be sooooo dramatic, but what can you do. deal, day by day, it gets easier. cool.

i seriously am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited for the apt. 11 days hallelujiah. its weird because its probably the last 11 days where i will ever call my house my "home" ever again. so strange. so so so exciting though.

:)

lks0079 @ 2007-08-02T15:53:00

2007-08-02T19:56:58Z

i was unpacking and sorting through everything my mom sent me from her house today, and i opened up a box, and my mom had sent me all the pottery and art and shit that i made her when i was younger. i broke down. how unnecessary. how fucking unnecessary. jesus.

lks0079 @ 2007-08-01T06:29:00

2007-08-01T10:33:52Z

note(s) to self:

dont ever take that when attempting to sleep at all
call best friend BEFORE letting your emotions get the best of you
dont ever ever forget about crazy mothers

its funny how we are able to forgive so much of our friends, but not someone who you are in love with. every thing, especially in this case, feeling betrayed, becomes so much more hurtful and seems so much more deceitful. well its not really funny, it is moreso sad. especially because you are twenty times more likely to stay and work things out with friends, and at the time, working things out with someone you love seems impossible. funny thing that "love" factor does to you.

lks0079 @ 2007-07-29T20:56:00

2007-07-30T00:59:31Z

"It's an interesting balancing act, the state of all right.
It's a glass half-empty-or-half-full sort of place, I could tip either way.
It's a place where one can either hope or despair:
Hope that this will keep getting easier…. Or despair at the infuriating concentration balance requires.
….Blah Blah Blah. I'm sick of despair.
It's so magazine-model-looking-apathetic-and-underfed-and-stoned-and-exactly-the-same-as-all-the-other-wan-sickly-models.
Forgive me for being chipper, but despair is desperately dull."
- M.Hornbacher

that book. just mmmmmmm. love.love.love.

lks0079 @ 2007-07-28T17:43:00

2007-07-28T21:45:06Z

“But, when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit hole under the hedge.
In another moment down went Alice after it, never once again considering how in the world she was to get out again.”

“The more you look at the exact same thing… the better and emptier you feel”-Warhol

Love is the most powerful most wonderful most horribly miserable thing I have ever felt in my life. It is the one emotion you cannot shy away from, because to truly love another person you have to become invested in them, in their life, and how that shapes you and relates to your own. When you love someone you let them have a piece of you, a piece of your heart soul brain what have you. And when you lose them, it becomes impossible to recover that piece, making you feel slightly less whole. I will be fine I will be okay. Is this enough? Is it ridiculous to want a person so badly even when that person has done things that hurt you worse than anyone? When the person wants nothing to do with you, or wants you in their life when it is convenient for them, and you jump at every goddamn opportunity to be in that part? What is wrong with us? Love. It is a many headed beast, it is the purest most wholly satisfying emotion. It has the capability to break us. The feeling of being broken. Breaking. How is a person expected to move on from that? Move on. What a ridiculous statement. As if you can move on, be completely okay, completely fine, when you’ve just lost a piece of your life heart mind soul that will never be okay. I feel like its more like your capacity to give up. I want to give up. I want to surrender so that I don’t have to feel this misery this heart this piece of myself anymore. I cant right now. Why? I have no idea. Why anything? Why now, why her, why this state, most of all why NOT? Why not try why not chance it why not see all the things which are positive which work which could be? Why look at everything but? I may be a romantic and I may be idealistic,but why? Love is everything love is horrible love is the absolute most beautiful place. I will be fine I will be okay. Is that enough?

lks0079 @ 2007-07-16T21:46:00

2007-07-17T01:57:33Z

Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

We have got through so much worse than this before
What's so different this time that you can't ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt

.i mean, this song might as well have been written about me.

1. i am so thankful that i am, as always, surrounded by amazing people in my life.
2. HARRY POTTER(movie): completely not in the correct chronological order of the book, but still, a director has finally managed to capture the heart and the spirit that is hp. (book): ahhhhhhhhhhhh MIDNIGHT FRIDAY YAAYYY!
3. ee cummings is my poetry god.
4. holden beach on saturday, one of my most favorite places in the world. yay

with all these positive things, my heart should feel better than it does. i am broken.
"let it be"

lks0079 @ 2007-07-06T23:41:00

2007-07-07T03:43:56Z

I hate this i hate this i hate this.

My heart. FUCK.

lks0079 @ 2007-07-04T21:03:00

2007-07-05T01:13:34Z

i have realized that i am one of the most defensive people i know, quite like my mother. when someone hurts my feelings, i become so so angry. then hurt. and i tend to carry around the hurt for a long time. i cant quite figure out how to completely forgive people, and i know there are only a few people in this world who i hold nothing against.

i also know now that i act so negative around other people, even when a situation is going very well, or i act indifferent, even when a situation hurts me. i guess thats a typical reaction, but i hate it.

i want to be able to understand why i feel certain emotions and just go ahead and feel them, rather than try so hard to avoid them.

i want so many relationships to heal, and yet i dont want to let go of my convictions.

(my mother). it really sucks that i havent talked to my mom in about seven months. and it kills me that she blames this on me, and that she refuses to apologize. it hurts me, because it confirms my reasoning for not talking to her, and yet more than anything, i just want to be wrong.

i consider myself to be a very happy joyful person, but i want to be a more peaceful person.

however, i am completely ruled by passion, whether good or bad.

lks0079 @ 2007-06-24T23:04:00

2007-06-25T03:07:22Z

this is what my grandfather sends me in regard to my grandparents moving/their new house:

it's not the old folks home, but we are getting close. Woodlake (sound familiar) is a community of single family homes. The catch is you have to be Fifty-five or older to purchase property and they just let us in. It's great to be asked for your ID again. We will have a pool, tennis courts, and most important of all shuffle board. There will be three bedrooms again and we will be less than a mile from the Grand Strand. Myrtle Beach is just up the road and it is a very vibrant area. We have been looking at communities near the ocean for over a year, so this was not a rash decision. We have enjoyed the mountains, but to be honest Morganton is boring.

i just really really enjoy my family.

lks0079 @ 2007-06-03T22:45:00

2007-06-04T02:53:17Z

if waking up at 4 in the morning sounds like your cup of tea, then this past week you would not have been thirsty. i am exhausted.

it is so utterly refreshing to be content exactly where i am right now.

clarity. its a wonderful thing.

haps

2007-05-16T02:37:08Z

summer at last!

i cant believe i have summer classes starting in one week whyyyyy did i choose to do that? oh well it gets 6 credits out of the way, only for 5 weeks, and its not like it takes up TOO much of my time.

i finally made my reservations for charleston memorial day weekend.. im excited. now i have to work on saving money for shopping/food/gas etc.... which could be difficult, seeing as how i have realized i am a ridiculous shopper. i went to target yesterday to buy ONE BLACK SKIRT for work and i walked out $112 later on random shit. then i had to pay $90 for bc. good good.

I WANT APARTMENT NOWWWW!!!!!!

funniest book of my life: possible side effects by augusten burroughs. buy it. lovehim.

im really really hoping that things work out with us, my heart wants to be back together but my brain keeps saying not yet blahdeeblah. DAMN YOU BRAIN FOR BEING LOGICAL. ..:(
i am mildly happy that alex might be in raleigh next year. how much more ridiculously selfish can i get for feeling that? ...

stillll not talking to the madge. FANTASTIC. ugh.

i looove my life and the world and i CANNOT WAIT for next summer in africa bc i just looked at the program and i am SO ECSTATIC.

and the sun, i love the sun.

bahahaha

2007-04-19T22:26:58Z

FROM SERVER
TO CUSTOMER

5. It's really not necessary to snap at me or wave your hand in the air like your having a spasm or get up and follow me. I saw you, I acknowledged you, you saw me... hold the fuck on. and sit the fuck down. I am coming.

7. I follow a strict rule that you should never reward bad service with a good tip... however, you should also never punish excellent service with a shitty tip because you're a cheap fuck.

1. IF you can afford to go out to eat... But you can't afford to tip... hey.. guess what.. you can't afford to go out to eat.

fool

2007-04-09T13:43:05Z

3 weeks left!!!! [well exams after that, but whatever, doesnt count]
im sooooo ready for summer.
and i love how i say that, when really I only have about a week and 1/2 off before I start summer classes. but still, its summer. and summer classes wont be THAT bad [ihope?]. and i will be home. which i am surprisingly looking forward to. and then mid august= apartment timeee! :)

this past weekend was a nice break, playing in wilmington with alex and such. i love the ocean.

still have not talked to my mom, its been about what.. 4 months now? crazy. and sad.

friday is the alvin ailey performance!!!

i hate my body and its tendency to make me sick and pay for loads of doctors bills and lab results when really, i dont have the money for that. yeah thanks bod, much appreciated.

dear cold weather,
go into hibernation
love,
kristine

lks0079 @ 2007-03-14T09:40:00

2007-03-14T16:47:10Z

i ADORE my job. i love meeting new people, and all the regulars, and birthday parties at the bar, because everyone knows each other, and working with amazingly fun people and having crazy but lovable bosses and the MONEY! :)

today is apt hunting!

im in love with my modern class. it feels sooooooo nice to be dancing again

on the flip side, i cant QUITE understand why it isnt summer yet?

lks0079 @ 2007-02-27T01:54:00

2007-02-27T01:54:20Z

cha cha spring break is in 4 days

cha cha

lks0079 @ 2007-02-24T06:18:00

2007-02-24T06:18:22Z

I LOATHE STUPID GIRLS WHO SEND ALEX MESSAGES THAT SAY RIDICULOUS THINGS LIKE "WOW I COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PICTURE YOURE SO HOT YOU DISTRACTED ME"
YOU ARE COOL. EW, FUCK ALEX MOBLEY AND HER NASTY NASTY SELF.

really though, i think i just need sleep.

lks0079 @ 2007-02-15T23:16:00

2007-02-15T23:16:01Z

i have found the best hot chocolate and it exists in panera

lks0079 @ 2007-02-12T09:37:00

2007-02-13T14:45:50Z

when did such a negative stigma appear in regards to wanting to help people/situations/etc? i tell people what i want to do and they just look at me like, ha, stupid child. yes its a daunting thing, but if noone did anything then nothing would ever change. and why am i "stupid, niave etc" for wanting to change peoples lives for the better? i think id gain more credibility in peoples eyes if i said i just wanted to make money, or marry rich and not work, or something to that effect. how sad. oh well. hell if i wont try anyway.

i adore my job. adore my bosses. adore everything about it. i swear i leave everyday in a better mood than when i came in.
me: vinny i can only work monday this week
vinny(my boss): why? you going to see your boyfriend or something?
me: well yes
vinny: good.
me: but um, can i work a double on monday since im not working the rest of the week?
vinny: well someone else is already scheduled
pause
vinny: but ill just take them off for you and you can work.
me: :)

:) that isnt supposed to be the boss's reaction.

dubtown tomorrow until sunday :) thank jesus, i miss him.

lks0079 @ 2007-01-30T03:19:00

2007-01-30T03:19:09Z

i am really torn.
i miss my mom
but i dont want to see her/talk to her/(be let down by her) at the same time

i would really enjoy warm weather and sleeping on the beach.

in other news: july is likely going to be the best month of my life, seeing as how the final hp comes out ( which is actually bittersweet ) andddd the movie. !!!!!!!!

lks0079 @ 2007-01-03T03:40:00

2007-01-03T03:40:14Z

i like:

little miss sunshine
incubus-dig
damien rice-9 crimes
ice cream
this weather
black and white pictures
running
clean things

mmm mountains on friday :)

lks0079 @ 2007-01-01T06:53:00

2007-01-01T06:53:40Z

is it seriously 2007 already?