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09:19am 05/02/2008
  this semester is torturous. too much work, meaning i literally have to be doing homework all the time in order to get it/the readings done. which means im stressed about that, and i cant work as much, meaning i dont have money which is also stressful, and the only time i can work is all weekend... which means no fun to counteract the stress. rahhhh. its okay though, at least all these classes will be over with in 3 months :)

i also have the flu right now. joy. (meaning i missed some classes this morning... one of them which you can only do the work in the lab... mostly i just haaaaaate being sick. +side.. i went home sunday and spent the night, always nice. even if that means watching the superbowl on your couch with the parents...haha, i love my fam though. i do feel like i need to disinfect EVERYTHING in my room. yuck.

at least its gorgeous outside and i have a hundred pillows on my bed which makes being in it 24/7 a LOT more bearable.		  
     
so says i
 
   
09:20pm 08/10/2007
  i cannot wait for american gangster. denzel washington and russel crowe in the same movie? are you kidding me? brilliance.
also, 3:10 to yuma is a great movie. and the kingdom.

im in love with sourdough bread

falllll break this weekend and fair and sytycd :)

i despise plant biology		  
     
so says i
 
   
02:09pm 16/09/2007
  "There are no contenders to art when it comes to her ability to make us realize our uniqueness while still retaining our identity with a universal whole."

"...our hearts, an immortal inside mortals."


Im in love with my religion class, dave is tuesday , its a beautiful day outside. :)
  
     
so says i
 
skeptical, but hopeful   
11:10pm 07/08/2007
  "A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed." Archbishop Desmond Tutu

:) i adore this philosophy

today i bought new purses and a dress and shoes and a cosmetic case and i was SUCH A GIRL and it was SO LOVELY. :)
i seriously have issues with shopping. i think i have spent 500 in the past week.
do i have 500 to be spending on random shit?
noooooooooo
oh well. some of it was for the apartment. so humph.

its so blazing hot outside im melting. literally. like a candle. like the wicked witch of the west.

cold shower time? YES.		  
     
so says i
 
   
10:11pm 03/08/2007
  blechhhhhhhh i have never felt so at odds with myself in my life. its like, i know how i truly feel, but ill be damned if i act upon it, or even think about it as something remotely possible. its just a sad situation, that did not have to be sooooo dramatic, but what can you do. deal, day by day, it gets easier. cool.

i seriously am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited for the apt. 11 days hallelujiah. its weird because its probably the last 11 days where i will ever call my house my "home" ever again. so strange. so so so exciting though.

:)		  
     
so says i
 
   
03:53pm 02/08/2007
  i was unpacking and sorting through everything my mom sent me from her house today, and i opened up a box, and my mom had sent me all the pottery and art and shit that i made her when i was younger. i broke down. how unnecessary. how fucking unnecessary. jesus.  
     
1| so says i
 
   
06:29am 01/08/2007
 

note(s) to self:

dont ever take that when attempting to sleep at all
call best friend BEFORE letting your emotions get the best of you
dont ever ever forget about crazy mothers


its funny how we are able to forgive so much of our friends, but not someone who you are in love with. every thing, especially in this case, feeling betrayed, becomes so much more hurtful and seems so much more deceitful. well its not really funny, it is moreso sad. especially because you are twenty times more likely to stay and work things out with friends, and at the time, working things out with someone you love seems impossible. funny thing that "love" factor does to you.

 
     
so says i
 
   
08:56pm 29/07/2007
  "It's an interesting balancing act, the state of all right.
It's a glass half-empty-or-half-full sort of place, I could tip either way.
It's a place where one can either hope or despair:
Hope that this will keep getting easier…. Or despair at the infuriating concentration balance requires.
….Blah Blah Blah. I'm sick of despair.
It's so magazine-model-looking-apathetic-and-underfed-and-stoned-and-exactly-the-same-as-all-the-other-wan-sickly-models.
Forgive me for being chipper, but despair is desperately dull."
- M.Hornbacher


that book. just mmmmmmm. love.love.love.		  
     
so says i
 
   
05:43pm 28/07/2007
 

“But, when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit hole under the hedge.
In another moment down went Alice after it, never once again considering how in the world she was to get out again.”

 

“The more you look at the exact same thing… the better and emptier you feel”-Warhol

 

 

( babbling )

 

  
     
so says i
 
   
09:46pm 16/07/2007
  Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

We have got through so much worse than this before
What's so different this time that you can't ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes
The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt


.i mean, this song might as well have been written about me.

1. i am so thankful that i am, as always, surrounded by amazing people in my life.
2. HARRY POTTER(movie): completely not in the correct chronological order of the book, but still, a director has finally managed to capture the heart and the spirit that is hp. (book): ahhhhhhhhhhhh MIDNIGHT FRIDAY YAAYYY!
3. ee cummings is my poetry god.
4. holden beach on saturday, one of my most favorite places in the world. yay


with all these positive things, my heart should feel better than it does. i am broken.
"let it be"



  
     
so says i
 
   
11:41pm 06/07/2007
  I hate this i hate this i hate this.

My heart. FUCK.		  
     
so says i
 
   
09:03pm 04/07/2007
  i have realized that i am one of the most defensive people i know, quite like my mother. when someone hurts my feelings, i become so so angry. then hurt. and i tend to carry around the hurt for a long time. i cant quite figure out how to completely forgive people, and i know there are only a few people in this world who i hold nothing against.

i also know now that i act so negative around other people, even when a situation is going very well, or i act indifferent, even when a situation hurts me. i guess thats a typical reaction, but i hate it.

i want to be able to understand why i feel certain emotions and just go ahead and feel them, rather than try so hard to avoid them.

i want so many relationships to heal, and yet i dont want to let go of my convictions.

(my mother). it really sucks that i havent talked to my mom in about seven months. and it kills me that she blames this on me, and that she refuses to apologize. it hurts me, because it confirms my reasoning for not talking to her, and yet more than anything, i just want to be wrong.

i consider myself to be a very happy joyful person, but i want to be a more peaceful person.

however, i am completely ruled by passion, whether good or bad.		  
     
so says i
 
   
11:04pm 24/06/2007
  this is what my grandfather sends me in regard to my grandparents moving/their new house:

it's not the old folks home, but we are getting close. Woodlake (sound familiar) is a community of single family homes. The catch is you have to be Fifty-five or older to purchase property and they just let us in. It's great to be asked for your ID again. We will have a pool, tennis courts, and most important of all shuffle board. There will be three bedrooms again and we will be less than a mile from the Grand Strand. Myrtle Beach is just up the road and it is a very vibrant area. We have been looking at communities near the ocean for over a year, so this was not a rash decision. We have enjoyed the mountains, but to be honest Morganton is boring.


i just really really enjoy my family.		  
     
2| so says i
 
   
10:45pm 03/06/2007
  if waking up at 4 in the morning sounds like your cup of tea, then this past week you would not have been thirsty. i am exhausted.

it is so utterly refreshing to be content exactly where i am right now.

clarity. its a wonderful thing.		  
     
so says i
 
haps   
07:24pm 15/05/2007
 
mood: happy
summer at last!

i cant believe i have summer classes starting in one week whyyyyy did i choose to do that? oh well it gets 6 credits out of the way, only for 5 weeks, and its not like it takes up TOO much of my time.

i finally made my reservations for charleston memorial day weekend.. im excited. now i have to work on saving money for shopping/food/gas etc.... which could be difficult, seeing as how i have realized i am a ridiculous shopper. i went to target yesterday to buy ONE BLACK SKIRT for work and i walked out $112 later on random shit. then i had to pay $90 for bc. good good.

I WANT APARTMENT NOWWWW!!!!!!

funniest book of my life: possible side effects by augusten burroughs. buy it. lovehim.

im really really hoping that things work out with us, my heart wants to be back together but my brain keeps saying not yet blahdeeblah. DAMN YOU BRAIN FOR BEING LOGICAL. ..:(
i am mildly happy that alex might be in raleigh next year. how much more ridiculously selfish can i get for feeling that? ...


stillll not talking to the madge. FANTASTIC. ugh.


i looove my life and the world and i CANNOT WAIT for next summer in africa bc i just looked at the program and i am SO ECSTATIC.

and the sun, i love the sun.		  
     
so says i
 
bahahaha   
06:26pm 19/04/2007
  FROM SERVER
TO CUSTOMER

5. It's really not necessary to snap at me or wave your hand in the air like your having a spasm or get up and follow me. I saw you, I acknowledged you, you saw me... hold the fuck on. and sit the fuck down. I am coming.

7. I follow a strict rule that you should never reward bad service with a good tip... however, you should also never punish excellent service with a shitty tip because you're a cheap fuck.

1. IF you can afford to go out to eat... But you can't afford to tip... hey.. guess what.. you can't afford to go out to eat.		  
     
1| so says i
 
fool   
09:36am 09/04/2007
  3 weeks left!!!! [well exams after that, but whatever, doesnt count]
im sooooo ready for summer.
and i love how i say that, when really I only have about a week and 1/2 off before I start summer classes. but still, its summer. and summer classes wont be THAT bad [ihope?]. and i will be home. which i am surprisingly looking forward to. and then mid august= apartment timeee! :)

this past weekend was a nice break, playing in wilmington with alex and such. i love the ocean.

still have not talked to my mom, its been about what.. 4 months now? crazy. and sad.

friday is the alvin ailey performance!!!

i hate my body and its tendency to make me sick and pay for loads of doctors bills and lab results when really, i dont have the money for that. yeah thanks bod, much appreciated.

dear cold weather,
go into hibernation
love,
kristine		  
     
so says i
 
   
09:40am 14/03/2007
  i ADORE my job. i love meeting new people, and all the regulars, and birthday parties at the bar, because everyone knows each other, and working with amazingly fun people and having crazy but lovable bosses and the MONEY! :)

today is apt hunting!

im in love with my modern class. it feels sooooooo nice to be dancing again

on the flip side, i cant QUITE understand why it isnt summer yet?		  
     
so says i
 
   
01:54am 27/02/2007
  cha cha spring break is in 4 days


cha cha		  
     
so says i
 
   
06:18am 24/02/2007
  I LOATHE STUPID GIRLS WHO SEND ALEX MESSAGES THAT SAY RIDICULOUS THINGS LIKE "WOW I COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PICTURE YOURE SO HOT YOU DISTRACTED ME"
YOU ARE COOL. EW, FUCK ALEX MOBLEY AND HER NASTY NASTY SELF.




really though, i think i just need sleep.		  
     
so says i
 
 
lks0079
 
 
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